Love Stained Pages
by FryingPanDemonOfTheApocalypse
Summary: Estonia X Latvia! Both Baltics have feelings for each other however their insecurities stop them from coming togther. A silly mistake from Latvia puts more cards on the table. What will Estonia's counter be? boyxboy don't like don't read. T for lauguage but rating could change. I think some OOCness. Love you Latvia
1. Chapter 1

**A/N hey this is my first fanfic so go easy. All help welcome because it is awful. This story is for Latvia, you know who you are, Happy B-Day. **

**I own nothing but the bad poetry. If I did Hungary would rule the world (more than she already does).**

**All flames will be eaten by Natsu.**

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_Russia's hand pressed on my head. I screamed._

_"LATIIAAAAAA" Estonia ran in a calling my name. "It's okay it was a dream. Don't cry" I was sitting shivering in our bed; there was a steady stream of tears falling down my face. Estonia collapsed next to me pulling my head to his chest and slowly stroking my hair. Gradually I lifted my head to meet his blue green eyes. He smiled and wiped tears from eyes. So I blush and look away embarrassed. Instead Estonia gently pulls my chin up and leans in. Our lips brush. We both blush. I go to lean in again but there is a loud beeping coming from the door. _

_A man wearing a large cream scarf, military coat and a childish smile is standing there. I started to shake again when he brings out the metal pipe. The bleeping got louder. I went to grasp Estonia's hand but he jumped up to stand in front of me, blocking Russia's path to me. The bleeping got louder. Russia swung his pipe. The force of the blow to Estonia's head sends him flying. I looked down at my hands to see they are covered in his blood. The bleeping got louder. Russia's smile turns to a grin._

My alarm shuts itself off. I was lying in my own bed, in Latvia, where there is no Estonia to comfort me from my nightmares. Shaking slightly I sat up and rubbed my eyes (and tears that had formed in them). There was no more USSR: no Russia, no pipe and no more reason to spend time with the man I love. Sighing a little at my last thought, I slipped my feet into my slippers that were waiting for me at the side of my bed. 3 hour sleep was enough, right? Anyway I was used to it. I looked at my alarm 8:11 November 18th and then switched it off.

Still rubbing my eyes and yawing I wandered over to the window. No matter how hard I rubbed the image of Estonia dead would stay burnt on to the back of my eye lids. Maybe if I used bleach... I pulled back the curtains only to be blinded by the light streaming in. As my eyes adjusted to the light I saw the stunning sun rise over a layer of fresh snow and smiled, the horrific image gone. Maybe today wasn't going to be so bad after all. Then I realised I had smiled after a Russia nightmare. That could be a sign I was finally getting over it after 23 years after leaving Russia's house.

After that revelation just I continued my morning as normal. Today I had the day off so decided I could get some writing done. I write. I have a diary and everything. It's sad and it makes me seem like a little girl but where else am I going to put my thoughts and feelings. I live alone in a small cottage in just outside Riga and I don't talk to humans outside the government. I have no one to turn to. So yeah, I write my feelings down in a book along with my bad poetry. Don't judge.

I flipped through to the next clean page as I walked over to my sofa and grabbed my pen of the coffee table. I read yesterday's word doodle. Oh dievs, it was awful.

Humans follow their leader.

Governments decide their fate,

Yet they only turn hope to hate.

The uneducated demand rights,

Unhappy they revolt, start fights,

Locked in a battle of ideals,

No one sees small countries ordeals.

Why can we never be sure

If it's' the sickness or the cure

That turns the world from unity

And aids the fall into discord?

Humans don't follow their leader.

They run.

I laughed a little at how bad it was. It was suppose to say something about my feelings towards communism. I hate thinking about Russia but I feel better after putting it to words. It makes it seem so long ago but it wasn't. When for a nation 23 years is nothing.

I turned my attention to the next page. I begin to rewrite my dream. The slow, methodical act of writing word after word and the feel of the paper running beneath my hand sent me in to a sort of trance.

Suddenly the image of Russia and his pipe standing over a very bloody Estonia crashes into my head breaking my peace. I let out a yelp and tears come running down my face again. I am surprised they haven't carved their path down my face I cry so much. I know I am not just crying over the idea of a dead Estonia it's much more than that. It's the idea of him dying unknowing how much I love him.

I love him so much but I could never tell him. When he rejects I couldn't write how he would confess to me knowing it is such a lie. It's stupid. I know he would reject me; he has never shown interest in me more than a friend. I don't have many friends and I don't know how I could life without him. If I don't ask him I can still have hope. I get so easily lost in these thoughts; I almost don't hear the door knock. Quickly I write the last 3 words. Leaving the book open on the coffee table, I go to answer the door.

Wiping my eyes, I pulled the door open. My mouth drops. He is stood there looking as handsome as ever. Dusty blond hair, teal eyes covered is fine metal frames and a calm expression greeted me. Estonia.

He was quite a bit taller than me and as he looks down I see my reflection in his glasses. Oh sūdi, my eyes were red and my face wet from crying. I watched as his usally calm expretion turn to an anxious one. Sūdi.

"Latvia are yo-"

He couldn't ask me that I can't lie to him.

"E-E-Estonia what an un-unexpected surprise! Come into the warm. Well it's a little warmer than outside. I don't have much fire wood left so I am rationing it, you see. I... um I will go get you some coffee. One moment." I garble.

I dashed into my little kitchen. My heart pounded in my chest as I reached for the kettle. As I rushed around making the coffee I was also intently listening to the noises of Estonia in the living room. God, what if he guessed? That was the door closing. Was he going to follow me in here? That was him sitting down. Why was he here? That was him picking something up. Where is the sugar? That was him dropping a book on the table. Why didn't he have his laptop with him?

Wait, a book... no.

Estonia he had read it. His eyes that were glued to the book now stared at me.

"Latvia" he said slowly. This is it. He is going to hate my forever. I stopped staring at the floor for a second to look into his eyes. My fear was instantly replayed with anger. Blank. He looked at me with no emotion. Nothing! "What...? Raivis I don't-"

I went numb "I know you don't feel the same. Dievs I know you don't feel the same and it kills me every day and has for hundreds of years. You make my life worth living. When we were in the USSR I would have died without you. I am so sorry that I love you. But at least show some emotion!" I practically shouted the last words.

Estonia's eyes widened. Did I just say I love-? Sūdi.

"Man žēl" i mutter as bolt out of the room but not before i saw the hurt in his eyes. He hates me.

I run out of the back door, into the garden, over the fence and out in to the woods. The snow crunched beneth my feet as i ran, my slipper already soaked. I flew deep into the maze of trees. Not caring were my feet take me: i ran. The image of his hurt filled eyes dancing in my head. That last little bit of hope was shattered.

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**I am so sorry. I don't know any letish (Latvian) so i used the dreaded google Translate. Russia save my soul. **

Sūdi - shit

Man žēl – i'm sorry

Dievs – god


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello again it seems that I can only update once a week. Hope you enjoy. **

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Estonia's POV

It was his birthday and I didn't know what to get him. So I decided I would cook for him. Well... It was Hungary's idea. I remember when I cooked for him in Russia's house. When I put the food in front of him he always smiled. His violet eyes lit up and a rare treat lay before me; Latvia smiling. He needed to smile more. He was always so scared. Well any one would be being squashed all the time.

Back on track where was I? Yes I knocked on the door and waited. I hadn't seen him in months my pulsed raised just at the thought of looking at his face again. Maybe I could hold his hand? The door opened.

There was something wrong. His eyes were red and face wet. He had been crying. By heart shattered at the sight. It took all myself restraint not to hug him and pull him close. He only saw me as a big brother. He would never see me as more and I had accepted that centuries ago. So why still did my stomach jump when he looked me in the eyes?

"Latvia are yo-" u okay? I got half way through asking but Latvia cut my off blabbing about wood or something. He turns and practically sprits out of the room. What had happen? There was a book on the table. Was that the problem? I close the door, sit down and picked up the book. There were fresh tear stains on the open page.

_Russia's hand pressed on my head. I screamed._

_"LATIIAAAAAA" Estonia ran in a calling my name. "It's okay it was a dream. Don't cry" I was sitting shivering in our bed; there was a steady stream of tears falling down my face. Estonia collapsed next to me pulling my head to his chest and slowly stroking my hair. Gradually I lifted my head to meet his blue green eyes. He smiled and wiped tears from eye. So I blush and look away embarrassed. Instead Estonia gently pulls my chin up and leans in. Our lips brush. We both blush. I go to lean in again but am beaten to it. I am pulled into a tight embrace. He leans in, stroking my hair as if it was made of glass, and whispers in my ear as I drift off into a peaceful sleep, finally happy "I have and always will... Latvia... Raivis, I love you." _

I dropped the book and just stare at it. It shattered everything I thought I knew. He loved me...

The sound of footsteps alerted me to the presents of the small man in the door. What should I say? "Latvia..." How do I say this? Numb, brain not working, vision blurred: he felt the same. "What..." do you think of me? What do you want from me? No I have to be gentle. "Raivis I don't..." know how to put this but I love you and I always have. Is what I had hoped to say but he cut me off.

"I know you don't feel the same. Dievs I know you don't feel the same and it kills me every day and has for hundreds of years." His voice raised and violet eyes on fire. This was my first time seeing Latvia angry. It scared me. It tore my heart apart. Every fibre of my being wanted to run over and kiss him but I couldn't move. "You make my life worth living." He continued and broke off little pieces of my soul as he when. "When we were in the USSR I would have died without you. I am so sorry that I love you. But at least show some emotion!" he said it. It was obvious my disbelief was plastered on my face because of his sudden change.

"Man žēl" He muttered eyes fixed to the ground. Wait... I mentally translated it _I'm sorry_. Then before I could move, he rushed back in kitchen and out the back door. I sat there, stunned. My brain, like a old computer, struggled to process all the new information. That was wait it occurred to me. _Latvia, the man I had loved has just confessed and run away and I didn't chase him. What had I done? _

I shoved on my shoes, thick coat and bolted out the door. The falling snow was rapidly covering the foot prints of the small man. Time was running out with every millimetre of snow. It must be minus 5 outside. Latvia wasn't dressed for the snow. Soon, I couldn't see any more foot prints as the snow got heavier. How far had Latvia run? It felt like I was searching for decades but in reality it was a few hours.

Red.

The colour broke above the snow. It wasn't blood, jumal tänatud, but Latvia's slipper. A few feet in front was the other half of its that a jumper jutted stubbornly up in the snow. Then a shirt and then under shirt completing a trail. I followed it.

Latvia stood there on the middle of a frozen lake, wearing nothing but his trousers. He was facing away from me. We stood 10 metres apart but even from there I could see the blue tinge to his flesh and the violent shivers that shook it. He looked so innocent; he could have been a fallen angel.

He turned around to look at me. The ice under his feet looked thin. He smiled sadly and my mouth refused to open.

"You didn't have to come. We can't die but if I drown in this lake no one will fine me till spring. You forget me and what I said." I didn't want to forget. I wanted us. I could feel my angry mounting.

"Latvia, please stop! I ..."

"Estonia could we go back to the way we were after I wake up?" His eyes looked dead.

"LATVIA" I shouted. The firewall that kept my emotions in check crumbled. His eyes shot up to meet mine. He snapped out of his daze."I love you. I have loved you for centuries, since we were kids. Stop talking about dying like it's going to sleep." I sink to my knees with tears falling free down my face. "I can't lose you. I CAN'T FORGET! Please! I will love you forever. I will cook for you. I will kiss you when you wake up every day. It is a dream for you to love me and, blindly, I couldn't see that you did. I am so sorry I gave up on us but I love you. Just... just don't die. I love you Raivis"

"You do?" he said like a part of him still didn't believe it.

"Yes!" I grinned as he broke out into the brightest smile I had ever seen. It was for me, for us. Slowly he started to walk towards me arms extended. Then the most horrific sound echoed out into the trees. The ice cracked.

The next moments happened in slow motion. The fracture splintered into a thousand smaller cracks. Latvia reached for me, hand outstretch. His eyes full of panic. They screamed help me louder than any words. I called his name. He began to fall. I skidded onto the ice. His finger tips disappeared under the water. I plunged my arm into the water. I was a centimetre too late. I just missed his hand.

I couldn't lose him. I started to strip of unneeded cloths. Taking a deep breath, I dived in. 1 second in and my body was numb. I had about a minute before my body shut down. 60, 59, 58... I dived deep, searching. I couldn't see him. 38, 37, 36... No. He had to be down here. Where...

There! A blurred outline of the small nation was just visible below me. 24, 23, 22... I grabbed him pulling him up towards the surface, towards the light. He was nearly dead but that didn't matter if I warmed him up, he would live again. 15, 14, 13... We reached the ice but where was the crack. 10, 9, 8... My breath was running out and my muscles freezing. I didn't have the oxygen or the strength to find it. I used my free hand to pound the ice, desperate to make a gap. 3, 2, 1. I felt my heart stop. I had failed. I died in despair.

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**I'm so sorry. There will be a happy ending. I think...**

jumal tänatud- thank god (Estonian)


	3. Chapter 3

**So sorry i couldn't update exams and acrobatics don't mix well. Anyway here is the next instalment. R & R please.**

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Latvia's POV

I had run until I collapsed under a tree. The branches that were unsuccessfully shading me from snow also hid me from view. Cold burned its way to my bones but didn't stop the tears. My world had fallen and rotted around me. All hope was gone. What could I do but wait for Estonia to leave? Nothing. What would I do after? My own words came back to me _I know you don't feel the same and it kills me every day and has for a hundred years. _Maybe I should just die, at least for a while. I can't die forever while my country is alive and that is a burden all nations must bear. However I could lose all conciseness, sorrow, pain and fear.

It would hurt and cause side effects to the land but I needed it. I needed death. I wanted to be selfish for once in my life. I had served others for hundreds years. I still looked 15 but I had lived lifetime of agony that humans couldn't imagined. Yet I suffered from the same pain than they did when their heart were torn in half. If I was lucky I would be dead for decades maybe longer. I had made my choice and I was going end it. I felt the calm blow over me and fears disintegrate. My tears stopped. I began to walk the snow covered path to my favourite lake.

I had discarded my clothes and walked on to the ice. The crystal shimmered in the midday sun and the last few snowflakes settled allowing the pine filled wind blow past me. I drank in the last few moments of life. The birds, the sun, the other things that are on this list of clichés all seemed brighter now, before the end. My already numb body took a step closer to the crack I found when I heard him.

He looked at me in shock as he fingered out my intentions. I could only smile. He looked so lost. Thinking about it he must have had quite a bewildering day.

"You didn't have to come. We can't die but if I drown in this lake no one will fine me till spring. You forget me and what I said." If you can forget it I can too. We could go back to being friends.

"Latvia, please stop! I ..." He tried to speak but I needed to finish.

"Estonia could we go back to the way we were after I wake up?" I was already dead inside. Now I could complete the deed. I went to turn.

"LATVIA" He shouted scaring some nearby birds. My thoughts broken, I looked up. "I love you." My heart slammed into my chest. What? "I have loved you for centuries, since we were kids. Stop talking about dying like it's going to sleep." Estonia's body crumbles underneath him and I felt like flying "I can't lose you. I CAN'T FORGET! Please! I will love you forever. I will cook for you. I will kiss you when you wake up every day. It is a dream for you to love me and, blindly, I couldn't see that you did. I am so sorry I gave up on us but I love you. Just... just don't die. I love you Raivis"

I can't believe this. The enormity of it won't sink in. I look at him in the eyes, tears in mine as well his. "You do?"

"Yes" It was like being free from Russia. I was free from fear. He loved me. My face lit up. I started to walk forward my eyes never leaving his. My broken world was now covered in flowers and other girly things. He loved me.

CRACK

I looked down at were the ice beneath me splintered and then disintegrated. I fell. Not now when everything was happy, I couldn't. I looked at Estonia who was screaming at me, charging across the frost. I tried to grab him but the coldness stopped me. I felt myself slowly slipping away but I clawed at reality desperate to hang on. Vision dark, I saw a faint splash. Too late. I died.

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Fisherman POV

I saw the first figure fall. Then I saw the taller man go in after. Stunned I just stared at the point they had disappeared. An unknown amount of time passed. They weren't coming up. Shit, they weren't coming up. Were they dead? I couldn't help. They when on to thin ice! If I had tried to help I would have fallen in as well. Helpless, I shouted thought I was sure no one else was out here.

I was wrong. Three figures ran out of the woods. The smaller men, a blond and a brunette, sprinted out to pick up cloths but quickly retreated as the large man in the long beige coat pulled out a water pipe. He paused for a moment, looking something. He raised his pipe. Then smashed it down with such force it cause a sound, much like thunder, to echo across the lake. Then the shock wave hit me causing the ice under me to shake. Shit, how strong was he?

I ran to nearest bank fearing the entire ice sheet to crack. When I turn to see what happening, the large man had hooked the two drowned figures with the pipe and thrown them to safety. He calmly walked from the ice as the other two started to perform CPR. The brunette on the taller man seemed to get a reaction as he franticly covered the man in cloths trying to warm him up. However the blond didn't seem to be as lucky. He closed the eyes of the smallest figure and began to sob. The large man came over and slung the corpse over his shoulder like it was nothing. Then he picked the other man bridle style pulling him into his thick coat for warmth. With that they left leaving the brunette to pull the crying blond behind him.

I decided then, I would never speak of this again. It was properly mafia. Mob business was not my business.

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**I feel so bad now! I'm sorry Latvia.**

**Thanks to ****CoconutBunni**** and PandaMasterLuv. Your reviews made me sooooo happy =D**

**TheSinisterChickenThief**** I still haven't forgive you for Zach but thank you anyway.**


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